Wake Up--or miss out?

Often it is the daunting task of choosing what to say, out of the vast array of lessons and experiences and phases of life that keeps me from writing in this blog above all.  So, I am asking God for some guidelines in what would be helpful to share and what comes flooding back to me is the "Wake up" call. A series of things God has shown me about NOW and what He desires from me, and I believe His people at this time in history and wherever we are in our lives...at least if this rings true to any of you.  As for me...

I have noticed something about my personality lately.  I am pretty even-keel. There is a normal state of equalibrium that I can maintain easily, with the exception of my emotional pregnancy hormone situation that flares up occasionally, and things that disturb or upset me.  Yeah, the usual.  It doesn't take a whole lot to make or keep me happy or amused.  A word from God, a laugh with a friend, a delicious cappuccino at Coffea, encouragement, time and words with my hubby, praying for someone and having the Holy Spirit "hit", making something to eat that people love, "tasting" dark chocolate sweets or sweet potatoes,  discussing the journey of life with a friend or stranger and having something to encourage them with, and other things like ACTIVITY, games and power walking in nature..or whatever.  I just like and love a lot of people and things.  But not a lot of things or people or words deeply move me to great change or action.  Nothing rapid or abundant.  Just keep things flowing and going.  

I had a wake up call with my knee--which was incredibly bad and now is incredibly well.  In that time of invalid-ness, Father was calling me to spend more time with Him, go in a deeper place of trust with Him and wait there.  It was like a reset from my business and an invitation into His heart.  Recently He was knocking on the door of my heart to listen closely to something He was saying.  I had just had a great time watching something with Karter, with much laughter and fun (as usual) and I felt that nothing else I did that night would be enjoyable or satisfying except for hearing what He had to say--what was on my Father's heart.  He led me to Revelation and then highlighted Revelation 3...

To the angel of the church in Sardis write:

These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits[b] of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. 2 Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. 3 Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you."

A few things stuck in my heart. I felt pretty alive, but actually have been dozing a bit.  Happy, comfortable. I love hearing God's words, and how He feels about me, but coming to life and treasuring and actually doing or activating the words, not so much.  Here God says it is OUR job to wake up.  Not just hear and dream about what he might say or be doing, but letting my spirit wake up and come to the forefront and engage with Father.  Lock in and take to heart what He is saying, and asking--now what can that mean for me, right now? Treasuring and mulling over and loving His words by actually acting on them when necessary and believing them with all of my heart.  That He and all that surrounds Him and comes from Him would be my target, my focus, my vision and my greatest AIM.

Another loving reminder from a caring Father--

Ephesians 5:8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness,righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

Thank You, God for waking me up, so that I don't miss out. (Rev 3:3)  Keep doing it, I want to see you when you come!!  

Overcoming DISTANCE...

In October and September it felt as if I was overcoming a mountain.  Striving for patience for the healing, looking past my circumstances and learning how to press into knowing my amazing God more. While I was laid up with my knee I had so much time to think, be upset, pray for others, be lifted up, be tempted to despair, and pretty much was not able to ignore myself and the things that go on within.  It was beautiful and hard, all at the same time.  My husband Karter and close friends and family treated me amazingly well, showering me with prayers, love, hopeful words and their company.  I feel a level of closeness with my Father that I didn't have before in the aftermath of this.  Now I am mostly back to full function, although I still have to watch my knee and be sensitive to it's fragility (if that is a word), because I do not want to go back to immobility.  If possible.  

Currently I am taking "soundings" to find my direction now as to who I am, what I am about and where I fit in God's beautiful plan in this amazing world. I love to know and see what He is looking at when He sees me. I went on a lovely walk this morning out in what probably is the last of the walkable weather.  It was cold but I was all layered up and set off down the park trail which is enclosed by stately trees and topped with colorful, moist leaves.  No one else was out so I could freely discuss life with God and thank Him.  Out loud.:) He seems to be telling me that instead of ascending a mountain I am now on a walk with him, in a figurative sense.  He is being so gentle with me, and continues to want to speak softly to my heart as we walk on a level path.  There are places in my heart that He wants to smooth out. One of them is how I see myself--and others.   To be honest I feel far from knowing what is going on in my world. He has made it clear that whatever it is, He wants to do it with me, and to be close and together no matter what.  There is nothing He wants more.  I am learning what intimacy looks like, and one characteristic is when nothing lies between the two of you.  No distance, no fear, no shame.  Just two hearts coming together to love and exchange goodness, and to offer themselves.  I have been going deeper in this practice with God and with my husband and as we have grown closer, we have touched on areas that are uncomfortable to me.  The closer we get, the more fear, dread and other issues have reared up in my heart.  Where are these things coming from?  As I let my gaurd down, my fear and search for protection seems to leap out of no where, ironically.  Perhaps because I feel unprotected--uh, yeah. :)

God showed me a parable during my knee injury as I was fretting and getting fed up with the issues of life, and unmet needs. I was at my in-laws Bible study, which was a full house on this night, and a song of love to Jesus was playing loudly. It was a struggle to worship or think about this amazing God.  I asked God to show me something, anything. In my mind's eye this picture appeared and I was on a gravel road, with weeds filling the ditches on either sides.  Very normal for the Minnesota and South Dakota countryside.  Ahead of me though, was an abnormal bright light, and I wasn't looking at the light, rather my attention was on the weeds on my sides, and how much I didn't like them. They were ugly, and just pointless and inconvenient it seemed.  Immediately I knew what those weeds represented in my life; they were the things I didn't like, and the things I could do nothing about. I could see how I was allowing them to distract, depress and keep me from some kind of reward.  I turned instead to the light, asking God what it was, thinking it represented heaven.  He said, that the light was Him-(my reward!), and intimacy with Him.  I saw clearly that I was becoming distracted with the things that I didn't like in life, so I was focusing on them and He was trying to show me the greatest joy in life--being close, near, and intimate with Him.  That the space between us on the gravel road represented the distance I was allowing by wallowing in the imperfections around me.  As this truth immediately resonated within me, I began to drop the weed gazing and run into Him, asking Him to help me overcome that distance in my mind. 

 "Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God." Col 3:1,2 (emphasis mine) 

That gravel road parable caused me to see this verse in a whole new light. I have always known I am supposed to keep my mind on heavenly things because of this verse, but until now the purpose hadn't connected with my heart. I am to keep my eyes on the light, on heaven because THAT is where CHRIST, my LOVER is. He is there, and so is my spirit, so my mind might as well be up there in the beautiful heavenlies, too, the best place of all. :)I asked Him to search me, show me what kept us distant and continued to.  Simply asking Him, "Father, is there anything between you and I, that keeps us from being as close as possible?"   Pride came up, self reliance, being without childlike trust.  Nothing is worth hanging on to if it creates a distance between my heart and my Father's.  There is no joy, or peace like that which comes from being completely united to Him!

This last week I began to see the fears, shame and insecurities that show up as I grow closer to my husband as well. As long as there is distance between us I feel safe with my flaws, but as we disclose more of the truth about ourselves to each other, I find a panic in my heart.  Will he accept me?  Will he despise the parts about me that are weak, even as I despise them?  What will happen if the whole truth is known?  That is a scary time for me.  To let go and be known...but it is so necessary if I am going to have a deep and true relationship with my husband. It is so awesome how God is there to assist in even our relationships with others, and delights to bring two opposite people like us together to teach us TRUE love. Instead of finding rejection as I disclose my weaknesses, I've been overwhelmed to find more of My Father's love and acceptance for me, being shown to me through my husband.  We have both been learning about accepting eachother, and I have to say this greatly encourages us to come out from hiding.  No unrealistic expectations, selfish motives, or performance for acceptance sake.  Just truth and love.

This post has roamed in and out and back and forth, touching on the topic of my life and learnings about intimacy, and I am tempted to leave it as is. May it be an uncooked, unpolished. unfinished thought that hopefully spurs on some thoughts of your own.  If you have read until this point, may I congratulate you for climbing a mountainous piece of writing that was not neatly arranged for an easy read.  

Have a wonderful, fulfilling day, with your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground.  Oh yes, it is possible!

Cheers,
Brooke

What does God see?

Much has happened in the past few weeks, beside my getting bigger around the middle.  God gave my husband and I an awesome trip back to his old home, Atlanta, GA.  I loved being driven around and staying at random hotels, visiting his friends and some of his family which are now my family.  Hospitable, amazing people down there for reals.  My knee was royally smashed the first day we arrived, which slowed and changed plans...and made Karter not only my lover and companion, but also my wheelchair driver, carrier of my stuff and caretaker, all of which he undertook with great kindness. Yeah, I didn't merely slip and fall on some rocks at a waterfall in Alabama, but I also fell more in love with that guy:)  It was quite vexing at first to have our plans altered and pain and Dr visits added to our sightseeing--but we still have awesome stories for the telling of God's activity, care-taking of us, and the timing of our visit.  Overall, I had a blast.

I am back at home now and have been off work until tomorrow, for recovery time.  Honestly this whole thing shook me up and threw me off a little, even though it worked out.  I've felt a lot of confusion and some bouts with selfish motives try to cloud my mind regarding other issues the past few days .  Last night, in a beautiful way, I felt like God talked to my heart about where I am at, what He has been doing, and even some added tidbits about His ways. This is what I wrote out of what I felt He was saying in my journal.  It was so sweet, I don't want to keep it to myself and I love it when He lets me in on these awesome ways of His...

"You have been growing, through your injury, through your [struggles] to see from a different angle, to get your focus off of yourself--to see above the clouds of your own desires.  Your desires can cloud your view of life.  Oh come up here, where I am and see from My view.  I see the potential for joy, healing, life, hope and laughter to spring up all over the earth.  I am not hindered by the anger, hopelessness, brokenness, but see what I can and will do.  I see the bright side, and that is what I want to show you.  Nothing changes when you focus on the darkness, it overpowers you.  Look to the light of My hand and what I will do.  What I want to do in and through You is point others to Me.  You are like a finger directed to the life and the Light.  You enjoy sharing goodness with others--share Me!"

Then, I read this: "When he saw Jesus passing by he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!  When the two disciples heard this, they turned and followed Jesus." John 1:36,37.

My calling is to be like John who said, "LOOK!" and they followed Jesus.  Jesus also reminded me of the Isaiah 61 scripture that He fulfilled, and it was all about what He came to do.  He didn't focus on the darkness, but on shining the light, freeing and healing people!  He called us to do the same.

I love His perspective.  I want to show off this amazing God all of my days.

Look, the Lamb of God!

These days I am looking forward to moving around again, Coffea work, excersize, this coming baby and it's unknown gender, as well as all the unexpected joys and connecting with the people around me.  A peace has settled over my heart.  A hope for the hopeless as I begin again to see as God sees.  

Blessin's all!

Brooke

Simply Love...

   This morning was gorgeous, mostly cloudy and almost chilly.  I dropped my husband off at work and drove to my favorite place on the bike trail--where the river, grasses, wildflowers, hills and sky are barely disturbed by buildings and poles.  I was too sleepy to fully absorb my Psalms reading but I did catch a few things: God's words, commands are more to be treasured than gold.  They are weighty, for our good, and He knows more than we can imagine.  He is good.  I settled my heart into that place where I can easily listen and set off on a run/walk to absorb more things from Him and the beauty around me.  

    "It's simple."  The thought that struck me last night echoed back in my heart as I walked.  Last night I invited many ladies to a park for fun and hopefully encouragement.  We had volleyball to play, art we could work on, and a bike trail for walking.  Having invited everyone there, I felt a bit of pressure to make sure everyone jived and had a good time.  I got a bit overwhelmed when ladies began arriving faster than I could introduce them and things seemed to be wonderfully out of hand. It happens that somewhere along my vast path of life I got the idea that I was responsible to make people happy, and I greatly enjoy doing that when that is possible, and everything is fine until this becomes less possible.  I submitted some of my panic to God and He just assured me to rest and let things flow, let the ladies talk, walk, scribble--and I could just do what I needed to do, love, and enjoy.  Why is this unnatural?  Why do I let myself take on responsibility for other people's emotions to this point of stress?  "It's simple," I felt God's whisper and it settled into my heart.  I looked around at everyone chatting, painting, laughing and standing around the picnic table.  Beautiful ladies that God had made who were enjoying creation and each other--and if they weren't it wasn't my fault.  My responsibility isn't to make the world go 'round, and cause people to like each other, and enjoy their lives--it is simply to love them.  When the love of God is truly abiding in our hearts, this is simple.  My evening of laides with volleyball, painting and visiting ended with giving a hug to everyone and experiencing an overflowing amount of love in my being from God, for them, for Him, for me.  I had to leave early because I had biked there and it was becoming dark.  

      It does all simply go back to loving.  Nothing extra, nothing to prove, nothing to control, just love.  And His love isn't just love, it is extravagant love and He is working it in us everyday walking with Him!  This makes me burst into smiles.

  Click here:for a song to drive it home ...

~Brooke

     

What we want--and--what we want to want.

So, what do I want?  What do I really want?  Most of us want lots of things!  We don't realize how much we really want until we are unable to get it.  These are some shallow and deep questions I have been trying to answer truthfully.  Two amazing books have come my way in these past weeks.  They seem to speak to my unspoken questions.  Does any one else wonder things in the almost subconscious places of their minds, as I do?  Questions we never ask aloud, conclusions we almost come to, and would, if we explored the thought more or asked God about it. It's that place in our innermost being that I do not naturally invite God's insight into, but I believe He introduces thoughts.  Anywho, these two books, Boundaries and  Abundant Simplicity (by Henry Cloud and Jan Johnson--thanks Sarah and Kaitlynn!) along with the book of James continue to address my inner ponderings and bring wisdom to areas that the Holy Spirit brought to my subconscious thought world first.

 Both of these books encourage you to ask yourself what you think you want, the things we say in spiritual tones that we want, and are convinced that we want.  Abundant Simplicity tells you to make two lists: what you think you want and what you want based on what you pursue and think about the most. It has been amazing to face honestly what I go after the most, naturally (what I really want) and the things I say and think I want, and how those sometimes get put on the back burner.  Here is a peice of my list so you get the idea.  Honesty is refreshing though a bit troubling sometimes.
What I think I want and think of when asked what I want:
~I want to glorify God! ~I want to be Jesus' hands and feet and love on earth ~I want to be an encouraging wife and friend ~I want to bring people to Jesus ~I want to be loved by my husband ~I want to be fit, healthy and not addicted to food or anything...
What I want based on my actions and what I think about:
~I want coffee and sweets ~I want admiration ~I want exciting interaction with people ~I want letters, flowers and chocolates from my lover ~I want to be comfortable ~I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it...
NOW that I've started to be honest with myself and God, I can look at what I truly treasure--whether I think I want to treasure it or not.  Being aware of this has awakened a longing to truly treasure my God like I want to...and choose Him, when it comes to choosing above the other things that I want.  This kind of looking inward is only valuable if it spurs us onto a sweeter, deeper relationship with our Father.  It is not meant to provoke condemnation or despair because we are desperately off track sometimes.This question is all about honesty to improve our relationship with God and when we are honest we can truly be changed by God--instead of pretending we are where we want to be.
In Boundaries, the author who is a long time counselor shared the story of a man who had repeated affairs.  He would confess and tell his wife he was sorry and didn't want to be unfaithful.  He said that these affairs were against his will.  Over and over he stumbled into them.  This counselor encouraged the man to be honest.  He really did want to have affairs or he wouldn't continue to have them, this desire was taking over his other desires to be faithful to his wife.  When the man finally confessed that he really did enjoy the pleasure of these affairs, he was able to receive forgiveness and began to be restored.  God met him in his point of honesty and lifted him above this desire, to the pure desire to be faithful to his wife.  He found freedom.
The question should be narrowed down from "What do you want?" to "What do you want the most."  Every day we make these choices.  My heart is stirred and prompted to tell Father:

"Father, I want to long for You as You long for me.  To go after You with all of my heart focused on You.  Laying aside empty things so I have time for the substance, for the TRUE things in life!"

We can't convince God that what we want is him when we are wanting a whole lot of things and putting those others things as tops in our life.  The best we can do is tell our loving Father exactly what is going on in our hearts, whether it is "I want chocolate right now!" or "I want to steal that bike," (use your imagination!).  We can ask Him to be first and to align our desires with His and what is truly good, what we truly want above the impulse of the moment.  We can ask for freedom from harmful desires, and this is where that "true happiness" is found.
This looks different to all of us, and I don't have a clear cut idea of things I need to cut out of my life to make room for my desire for God, but as the daily choices for pursuit come, I desire to desire to choose God first!!!  This is a love relationship with Him, where the more I choose Him the more I want to choose Him and our love grows.  It's all about THIS relationship.

Hebrews12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Postscript...I wonder, did Jesus want to go to the cross?  It wasn't His will, and He was honest about that, but His ultimate desire was for the joy set before Him of the Father and us, He wanted to and He did.  Just some more food for thought...


And...a random great song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbdJXKqVgtg

perFectiOn: a confession to my affair.

It has been a much better week for my emotions.  Stable.  Much more so trust and climbing over a hump, I feel.  There were many sweet encounters with God and people this week which brought amazing perspective.  Why does the truth have to amaze me so often, am I in the dark that much?  Anyway, as I have come into the "light" you might say, a certain dark issue I have has been exposed.  My love affair with Perfection.

Let me explain.  This wolf disguised as a meek and fluffy sheep was introduced to me at a young age.  Church, my parents, Christian radio and songs in Sunday School like "Be Careful Little Eyes," taught me the right thing to do so that God would be pleased and I would be blessed and everyone would be happy.  I would even live long on the earth if I honored my parents!  These messages are filled with truth and common sense.  Thank God for wisdom and parents and people who care enough to teach the right way to go.  We knew we could never really obtain the perfection we sought through following the rules, but we could at least try, and try harder.  As I grew up and was punished for rebellion and encouraged in obedience and performance in the home through consequences, I realized that if I tried hard enough, I could live a relatively happy life.  I learned how to please my parents and how to appologize to God and them when I messed up. My journal in my early teens is filled with self loathing prayers and tearful "I'm sorrys". I learned how to feel better by doing as good as I possibly could: things like being kind to my siblings and not rolling my eyes at mom so as to avoid reprimand and guilt.  I liked being around perfection, or things and people without uncomfortable flaws.  It felt safe and nice!  Nobody got hurt.  All throughout my youth I had a bit of true relationship with God and I truly wanted to please Him.  But I still loved how perfection made me feel. I began to hate myself when I couldn't produce this quality and have a sincere dislike for those who couldn't or wouldn't try to be perfect.  This dislike made me feel more guilty, for the record.  Unfortunately, as I pursued perfection, my relationships with God and people suffered.  It became an affair/addiction to this thing.

Last week the old flame flared up, and I didn't even recognize it at first.  You see, as God has pursued me with His perfect love, I have been won over by Him and I have seen the empty futility of perfection apart from relationship to PERFECTION itself.  What I knew before was false perfection, for it seeks to self-perfect apart from the only perfect, loving God.  Anyway, the past relationship surfaced when a brief and tense situation presented itself between two people I loved.  There was a miscommunication and I was in the room when it got brought up.  I tensed up and froze.  People aren't being perfect and this could get ugly!  It was resolved quickly but I was stuck in some kind of a daze and continued to be affected by this conflict.  I decided to go for a walk in the lush green countryside.  Glowing rays of sun greeted me and I felt the invitation to get whatever this feeling was off my chest.  I blurted out my "Why God, am I not able to handle conflict around me!?" For this was a recurring response I had when people weren't being-- well, perfect.
"You are afraid of imperfection showing itself, but it has to so that it can get resolved," God breathed into my heart.
Of course.  I breathed a relieved sigh.  That made sense, and I felt His kindness in this revelation of truth. 
As I walked on He also showed me that it was the imperfections in people and situations around me, that He uses like a tool to perfect me.  It is an inward change without striving and all through relationship to Him.  This is the true kind of perfection and it is the working of God when our hearts turn to Him in the midst of the tension of imperfection.  He then reminded me of these verses.  They contain the word perfect and fit my situation like a tailored suit.

"Consider it all joy, my brothers (and sisters*), when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. Let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
James 1:4 *added by me

It is the opposite of what one might conclude.  We don't see the perfection in dire trials, uncomfortable-ness.  A visit into the furnace, anyone?  Yay, It will make your gold more pure and shiny!  We have probably heard that analogy before if we have spent time in the Bible or church.  I sure did, and this struck me fresh when it was applied to THIS area of "trials" in my life. In this light I can rejoice when conflict and imperfections are present in myself and others, instead of shrinking and hiding from them.  I can choose to put my faith in God, who is my protector and perfecter. "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me." Psalm 138:8.  In the challenges of life we have discovered another area to grow, another area to be challenged in, another area where we can move in closer to our God.  We are all in a process of being perfected, and we need to embrace this process.  As my friend Anna put it today, we need to be ok with being unfinished, and people that are unfinished.  

When I end this relationship to false perfection, I can love God more fully and love imperfect humans (which includes myself).  I can actually give myself and people space to GROW.  This is great news for my marriage as well :)! As my fear of imperfection dissolves into an embrace of God's amazing process that perfects me, I become a free woman!  Nothing can really go "wrong" anymore and if it does, I have still have a perfect God to help me and work within me.  Ah, to retain this glorious perspective!  God is my safety, comfort and Lover, instead of "perfection".

He loves us!  

<3 Brooke

UP's down's and the SOURCE of all JOY

Why are there so many emotional ups and downs in life and especially when one is pregnant?
This is a childish question I have asked my Creator this week.  I know why, but WHY!?!?  They make one look really weak and they are not fun, not happy & not good for the people around me.  Maybe it is just an exposure of the reality of my humanity? This week I have been attempting to sort out the difference between hormones and negative spiritual activity (war).  It starts with the first one and the enemy of life seems to capitalize on it, and I find myself trying to stay afloat and above tears. Humanity.  I am relieved to have an amazingly patient, kind, glorious Father walking beside me through all of this confusing emotional/mental/spiritual descent.  My husband also, he has been patient to talk things through, pray and wait for me to resurface. :) Thankfully it doesn't last for keeps, and God seems to teach me the most during those painful times, causing me to rise up more thankful and with new wisdom and love.

Tangled up in my emotions has been the desire for things to happen and be that are not.  This has been one thing that has dragged me down, as the enemy has assured me that these "good" things will forever be witheld.  These are not bad things, but they become my downfall when I pursue them instead of my God.  I need to give thanks and make peace with dreams that are distanced from reality.  Release my life as I want it to be, or as I assume God wants it to look like and look at what is right in front of me and ASK Him to show me what it is that His heart desires for right now.  This is what I had to do yesterday, and it was a gradual thing.  A series of choices to believe the truth and take "stuff" to God all throughout the day.  Disappointment settles in so quickly!  My heart must center back on Him--the true desire of my heart, the source of all my joy. :D   And honestly He did and is doing that in me...today I feel So. Much. Better.  It all just seems easier!  Read this today:

"Send out your light and your truth;
    let them guide me.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
    to the place where you live.
 There I will go to the altar of God,
    to God—the source of all my joy.
I will praise you with my harp,
    O God, my God!

 Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!"

Psalm 43:3-5

Even as I write this, I am thinking, "Man, I wish I knew my God more!  So much awesome victory could be realized, more joy received, so much peace lived in and more amazing pleasure experienced in His company."  Life is in His words, it is His essence.  It says in those verses that He is the source of all my joy. Talking of Him grows my to desire to deepen my friendship and understanding of Him even more.  I can go hard after Him!  What could be better than this Everlasting God and Friend who knows it all and loves us all?  Things I know about Him; but do I really?

The reality that I am carrying a BABY is settling in, and I become more excited for her/his arrival all the time. I mean, my belly is poking out, and it isn't just fat!  A living, squirming being is--is j-j-ust right there!  LIFE!  What a huge opportunity to bring a life into the world and care for it!  All of these thoughts seem so new to me, even though this has been happening for thousands of years.  It's just that now it is happening to me--and Karter!  It kind of delights and boggles my imagination to think of what kind of parents we will make together.  We agree that it is going to take a serious amount of wisdom and showering God with questions. It will be fascinating to see how all that works out...haha!  What a challenge. Thanks for all your congratulations!  It will indeed be exciting to see what God's plans are for this precious new person.:) 

Happy Wednesday to ya'll!