UP's down's and the SOURCE of all JOY

Why are there so many emotional ups and downs in life and especially when one is pregnant?
This is a childish question I have asked my Creator this week.  I know why, but WHY!?!?  They make one look really weak and they are not fun, not happy & not good for the people around me.  Maybe it is just an exposure of the reality of my humanity? This week I have been attempting to sort out the difference between hormones and negative spiritual activity (war).  It starts with the first one and the enemy of life seems to capitalize on it, and I find myself trying to stay afloat and above tears. Humanity.  I am relieved to have an amazingly patient, kind, glorious Father walking beside me through all of this confusing emotional/mental/spiritual descent.  My husband also, he has been patient to talk things through, pray and wait for me to resurface. :) Thankfully it doesn't last for keeps, and God seems to teach me the most during those painful times, causing me to rise up more thankful and with new wisdom and love.

Tangled up in my emotions has been the desire for things to happen and be that are not.  This has been one thing that has dragged me down, as the enemy has assured me that these "good" things will forever be witheld.  These are not bad things, but they become my downfall when I pursue them instead of my God.  I need to give thanks and make peace with dreams that are distanced from reality.  Release my life as I want it to be, or as I assume God wants it to look like and look at what is right in front of me and ASK Him to show me what it is that His heart desires for right now.  This is what I had to do yesterday, and it was a gradual thing.  A series of choices to believe the truth and take "stuff" to God all throughout the day.  Disappointment settles in so quickly!  My heart must center back on Him--the true desire of my heart, the source of all my joy. :D   And honestly He did and is doing that in me...today I feel So. Much. Better.  It all just seems easier!  Read this today:

"Send out your light and your truth;
    let them guide me.
Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
    to the place where you live.
 There I will go to the altar of God,
    to God—the source of all my joy.
I will praise you with my harp,
    O God, my God!

 Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!"

Psalm 43:3-5

Even as I write this, I am thinking, "Man, I wish I knew my God more!  So much awesome victory could be realized, more joy received, so much peace lived in and more amazing pleasure experienced in His company."  Life is in His words, it is His essence.  It says in those verses that He is the source of all my joy. Talking of Him grows my to desire to deepen my friendship and understanding of Him even more.  I can go hard after Him!  What could be better than this Everlasting God and Friend who knows it all and loves us all?  Things I know about Him; but do I really?

The reality that I am carrying a BABY is settling in, and I become more excited for her/his arrival all the time. I mean, my belly is poking out, and it isn't just fat!  A living, squirming being is--is j-j-ust right there!  LIFE!  What a huge opportunity to bring a life into the world and care for it!  All of these thoughts seem so new to me, even though this has been happening for thousands of years.  It's just that now it is happening to me--and Karter!  It kind of delights and boggles my imagination to think of what kind of parents we will make together.  We agree that it is going to take a serious amount of wisdom and showering God with questions. It will be fascinating to see how all that works out...haha!  What a challenge. Thanks for all your congratulations!  It will indeed be exciting to see what God's plans are for this precious new person.:) 

Happy Wednesday to ya'll!